My Real Feeling

About one month has passed since I entered this university. Sophia University was my first choice of school. I wanted to enter this school by all means, so I made a lot of effort to pass the exam. And I became a student of this university actually. I was so glad to success in the examination, and I had many hope for my university life. I waited the day of entrance ceremony with joyful expectation.

Now, am I doing what I wanted to do? Will I do what I wanted to do in the future? Can I do what I wanted to do by my graduation from this university?
I have vague uncertainties.
I think that few people see my blog, so I want to write what I actually think of, not perfectly but as exactly as possible.
Today's blog will be dark, lifeless and uninteresting. So, please stop reading if you feel boring. I think that I get sick 五月病(May syndrome or depression). These days, I feel tired and depressed. I would be in the state of  病んでいる in Japanese(v_v). ←(Sorry, but I don't know English emoticons.) The reason that I write this gloomy blog may be that I want to express my depression and feel easy. I want to make my heart regulated.

This feeling of depression can be divided into two groups.
・from the view of physical fatigue
In this university, I am belong to two clubs - E.S.S.(English Speaking Society) and Sokyoku(koto music) club. It is hard for me to coexist club activities and study. The active days of E.S.S. are still irregular and that of Sokyoku are Monday and Thursday and sometimes Sunday. So I stay in this school until p.m. 8 almost every weekdays. And I have no holidays because of occasional club activities and homework. The homework is also hard for me. It is easy to make my homework done carelessly, bot I want to make them well-done. I am poor at studying, and it takes me a lot of time to do good homework. Also, I am poor at using time efficiently. So, I can't manage to do what I want to do and what I must do. Time just passes and I can't always get sufficient results.

・from the view of mental fatigue
First, these days, I have a lot of things that I should do. I always feel anxious whether I can finish them. I don't have enough time. I want time. I should be able to use time efficiently.
Second, I am worried because human relationships are not going well for me. I am poor at making friends and I don't like socializing with many people. I want real friends. With a few friends, it would be possible for me to enjoy my school life. In high school, I was belong to brass band club. There were many people in the club, but their characters were similar to me and I felt easy with them. In the club, I have a few friends that I enjoyed with them from bottom of my heart. I like them.
Now, I don't have such a friend in this university. I have no friend that I can feel easy with. There are many people  in this university, and their characters are very different. It may be interesting to meet various people. In fact, I enjoyed the variety of people on April. But now, I am tired of them. I don't like them. I want friends who have the character similar to me.
I had a difficult problem these days although I don't write about them. I felt sad and I am disappointed now. I can't help thinking that I am a misfortune girl.
I became less energetic, but I had a joyful matter. I got a notification of appointment for a part time job. I start working on 4 June. It would be more difficult to combine school life and work. I must manage to do.
I hope that I enjoyed school life. I want to recover from this sickness soon. I won't loose my hope.