Individuality - to be myself

These days, I don't have good topics to write on my blog. So, I want to write self-introduction again. There is a little difference between this time and the last time. This time, I want to write about my characteristic. I am often said that I am a unique human. And I often think that I tend to think about something from the view which are different from other person. But I don't know whether this means good or bad. I hope that this is a good thing. Anyway, I introduce what makes me original.
※ I am always ordinary people in front of friends who doesn't have close relation with me. So I want to introduce myself to you who are not familiar with me.

-paintings and designs
I have liked drawing a picture and looking at pictures since I was young. When I was a kindergarten student, I was always painting and running(I was good at sports at that time!). I was unsociable and poor at making friends. But I liked working alone and I often succeeded in painting and handicraft classes (and running and swimming classes). My painting was sent to an exhibition and I got a prize. But the exhibition was hold by a city and the prize was not so valuable. . . But I was good at paintings and I liked them. In an elementary school and a junior high school, my painting was selected as the exhibit by school every year too. and I often got an award. My grade of an art class in junior high school was always 5 (There were five steps of rate) in whole three years. But I became busy because of club activity. I was greatly interested in music and I didn't have enough time for painting. In fact, I wanted to go to art school instead of studying English Literature. But I didn't have good talent of art, and also, I had to think of obtaining a job. So I gave up my dream. But I like paintings(drawing and looking at) as a hobby now. I want to deepen my skills.

-a pencil
I like pencils. I like writing in pencil. They are very flexible. You can change the depth of colors and touches from lightly to heavily or delicately to roughly. But you can't this if you use a propelling pencil. There may be two reasons why I like using a pencil. As I wrote above, I like pictures(paintings and sketches) and I used to using pencils. So I like the touches and function of them. Also, I was belong to music club in junior high and high school and my music teacher taught us a lot of things. When you take notes on a page of music you should use a pencil. Writing in pencil is easier to write in again and again than using a propelling pencil. You will feel comfortable to use a pencil.

-ignorance of geography(a lack of common)
I don't want to show my foolishness. But this is actually the part of the symbol of being myself. I'm not interested in geographical features at all. So I can't keep in mind which country is there and where it is. I can't tell you every part of Japan. I feel ashamed. But I can't remember.
The other day, something ashamed happened to me. When I was asked what langage is spoken in Canada, I answered that it was Canadian. I didn't know. I was laghed at and felt ashamed. I thought that I was not a university student, was a elementary student. I was ashamed of myself and depressed. I want to and have to acquire an education.

. . . . . Would you understand my character? I will be glad if you get something about me.
In fact, having some features which makes me original, there are vague things in my character. I don't have something that I am longing for. I don't have anything that makes me devote myself to. I can't find what I really want to do. This is my falt. I have many favorite things. But I like them equally and I can't say that I like it from the bottom of my heart. I want to get something that I really like and add it to my character.

My Real Feeling

About one month has passed since I entered this university. Sophia University was my first choice of school. I wanted to enter this school by all means, so I made a lot of effort to pass the exam. And I became a student of this university actually. I was so glad to success in the examination, and I had many hope for my university life. I waited the day of entrance ceremony with joyful expectation.

Now, am I doing what I wanted to do? Will I do what I wanted to do in the future? Can I do what I wanted to do by my graduation from this university?
I have vague uncertainties.
I think that few people see my blog, so I want to write what I actually think of, not perfectly but as exactly as possible.
Today's blog will be dark, lifeless and uninteresting. So, please stop reading if you feel boring. I think that I get sick 五月病(May syndrome or depression). These days, I feel tired and depressed. I would be in the state of  病んでいる in Japanese(v_v). ←(Sorry, but I don't know English emoticons.) The reason that I write this gloomy blog may be that I want to express my depression and feel easy. I want to make my heart regulated.

This feeling of depression can be divided into two groups.
・from the view of physical fatigue
In this university, I am belong to two clubs - E.S.S.(English Speaking Society) and Sokyoku(koto music) club. It is hard for me to coexist club activities and study. The active days of E.S.S. are still irregular and that of Sokyoku are Monday and Thursday and sometimes Sunday. So I stay in this school until p.m. 8 almost every weekdays. And I have no holidays because of occasional club activities and homework. The homework is also hard for me. It is easy to make my homework done carelessly, bot I want to make them well-done. I am poor at studying, and it takes me a lot of time to do good homework. Also, I am poor at using time efficiently. So, I can't manage to do what I want to do and what I must do. Time just passes and I can't always get sufficient results.

・from the view of mental fatigue
First, these days, I have a lot of things that I should do. I always feel anxious whether I can finish them. I don't have enough time. I want time. I should be able to use time efficiently.
Second, I am worried because human relationships are not going well for me. I am poor at making friends and I don't like socializing with many people. I want real friends. With a few friends, it would be possible for me to enjoy my school life. In high school, I was belong to brass band club. There were many people in the club, but their characters were similar to me and I felt easy with them. In the club, I have a few friends that I enjoyed with them from bottom of my heart. I like them.
Now, I don't have such a friend in this university. I have no friend that I can feel easy with. There are many people  in this university, and their characters are very different. It may be interesting to meet various people. In fact, I enjoyed the variety of people on April. But now, I am tired of them. I don't like them. I want friends who have the character similar to me.
I had a difficult problem these days although I don't write about them. I felt sad and I am disappointed now. I can't help thinking that I am a misfortune girl.
I became less energetic, but I had a joyful matter. I got a notification of appointment for a part time job. I start working on 4 June. It would be more difficult to combine school life and work. I must manage to do.
I hope that I enjoyed school life. I want to recover from this sickness soon. I won't loose my hope.

Thanks! Team OBAMA -my first speech-

I am belong to E.E.S.(English Speaking Society) in Sophia University.
And I had a recitation contest on May 7. This contest was held for freshmen for the purpose of experiencing  the speech section. This circle activity is divided into four sections: speech, discussion, debate and drama. All freshmen experience all sections by summer.
I delivered the speech, under the title of "The Audacity of Hope" made by Barack Obama.

The speech that I delivered was a short version(about 600 words), But it was hard for me to memorize all phrases. This was my first time to speak English in front of a lot of people, not to mention of making a speech, I felt uncertainty at first. But, seniors gently taught me how to speak and gesture, I came to feel easy.

I have practiced this speech with seniors for two weeks. Delivering a speech was new experience to me and I learned a lot of things from this. I enjoyed practicing every time, and I would like to thank seniors for teaching me.

There were five materials that I could choose. I chose this material 'The Audacity of Hope' without careful thought. My friend asked me to practice this material together. In fact, I wanted to choose 'I have a dream'. That was because I learned about Martin Luther King in high school and became interested in him.
But, this choice was right. This material contained a lot of things that I should learn. Delivery, rhetoric, repetition and ideograph, they helped me improve my English skills. Also, the seniors of this material were very kind and earnest and the environment to study about speech was very good.

The speech "The Audacity of Hope" was made in 2004, when the Democratic National Convention was held. He delivered this speech as the Keynote Address. Although he was an unknown new face at that time, he was selected as the speaker. That was because he was a energetic young man and a fluent speaker. This speech made him well known and he began to follow the road to win the presidential election.
I was impressed to listen to his speech. His 'Delivery' and 'Rhetoric' was skillful. In this speech, there are these sentences,
      "Well, I say to them tonight, there is not a liberal America and a conservative America - there is the United States of America. There is not a black America and white America and Latino America and Asian America - there is the United States of America."
      "Tonight, if you feel the same energy that I do, if you feel the same urgency that I do, if you feel the same passion that I do, if you feel the same hopefulness that I do, if we do what we must do, then I have no doubt that all across the country, from Florida to Oregon, from Washington to Main, the people will rise up, and this country will reclaim its promise, and out of this long political darkness a brighter day will come."
When Obama talked this sentences, the audience was excited and impressed. I hope that you listen to this speech.

I return to the subject of this contest.
After all, I could move into the final, but I couldn't get prizes. I felt disappointed not to get any prizes, but I was glad to be able to deliver my favorite speech to times.
I think that it was right to participate in this contest. I tend to feel nervous easily in front of many people, so I didn't want to deliver a speech. I didn't like speaking in front of an audience before, but now, I like delivering my opinion to people. I try to convey my opinion and everyone listen to me and tries to understand what I say. That is wonderful.
When I stood on the stage, I felt nervous a little. But, beyond that, I was excited and impressed. I enjoyed delivering a speech from bottom of my heart.
I felt disappointed not to get any prizes, so I want to challenge again at summer camp of E.S.S!

HHBB

I had a regular concert of brass band club on May 5. I was belong to this club in high school and played the trombone. We call this club HHBB(Hinodai High school Brass Band). The number of the member is about 100, and that of our grade is about 40. There are various people, and we often have different opinions. But they have strong personalities respectively, and they are very enjoyable.
The concert was supposed to be held on March 28, but postponed until May because of the big earthquake. Every year, many second-year students leave this club at this concert before becoming three-year students. And they begin to study for an exam. Most graduates participate in this concert every year. For graduates, this may be the last concert with mates in their lives. For second-year students, this may be the last concert in the best time of their lives.

Then, I want to talk about my memory of this club.
I was belong to brass band club in junior high school and played the percussion. But I was a trombone player in high school. That is because I wanted to do new things and decided to play this instrument.

It was hard for me to catch up with mates experienced in playing this instrument. Every day, I practiced hard. I wanted to be praised by seniors and play with them soon. But things wouldn't go well and I faced difficulties many times. I felt disappointed and wanted to retire. But I thought "If I left this club now, I wouldn't achieve anything in the future." So, I decided not to give up and to continue to make efforts.
In the end, on the regular concert that is first time to me, I played the first position of Romeo and Juliet with my respected senior. The melody is beautiful and powerful. And that is my favorite music filled with a lot of memories.
Then, we became second-year students and I became a leader in the trombone part.
I was happy to be a leader. My efforts were rewarded.
But, a happy thing and a bad thing occur at the same time. I had difficulty in leading others. I was often disappointed to know that I have no ability to lead them. But I was a leader and not permitted to give up. I had to keep fighting.
We had a competition in summer. We had started to practice with new students to win a gold prise since April. This was the last competition to most of the second-year students, so all of us practiced seriously without holidays.
In the end, we got a silver prise. We were sad but felt refreshed. That is because we did our best. Of course, it is disappointing for us not to win a gold prize. But the most important matter was whether we could do our best and enjoy playing or not.
I think that we learned a lot of precious things from this process. So, we need not to care about the result.
This memory of the summer is forgettable.

Time passed fast, it was the time of regular concert. This concert is hold mainly by second-year students. They think of all arrangements.
In second part of this concert, we planted to perform a play, sing a song and dance. So we made careful preparation. I made clothes for performers.
We had more work than ordinary tears because we invited a professional percussionist and borrowed expensive instruments. We were very busy in preparing for the concert, but that was very enjoyable.
The concert was a great success and we never forget this memory.
I learned a lot of things from this club and this mates. I am grateful to them.
They are valued friends. I hope that I will meet such friends in this university.